Gas Pump Loiterer

How to Handle a Squeegee Fetishist
I just watched a guy lovingly squeegee all of the glass and plastic surfaces on his car, including both exterior mirrors, while I was waiting in line behind him to buy gas. It’s not a car wash, for God’s sake. At what point should I “accidentally” crush his freshly cleaned taillight with my bumper?

For safety purposes, I’d suggest you wait until he’s done fueling and the pump shuts down.

Freeway Blowback

To Spritz, or Not to Spritz

So then you must be one of those freaks who hate clean windshields. You’re the same people who pull up alongside me on the freeway and offer a one-finger salute every time I spritz my windshield.

Now think about this for a moment. According to the National Weather Service, the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale is a 1 to 5 rating based on a hurricane’s sustained wind speed. The 75-mph wind passing over your windshield—which qualifies it as a Category 1 storm—lifts droplets of water and window cleaner from your windshield and hurls them in a fine mist into your car’s wake. We’re just guessing here, but the drivers you’re upsetting are probably the ones who just spent $120 to get their car detailed, or even those of more modest means who spent 20 hard-earned bucks for a wash and spray wax. You might as well have sneezed on their hood. If you must spritz in transit, save it for surface streets.

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