Orange County’s Most Inept Criminals of 2014

Which local lawbreakers need to find a new line of work?

How Not to Impress a Lady, Part I
A 20-year-old Temecula man who hacked the computers of Miss Teen USA contestants and more than 100 other women, then secretly took nude photos of them and extorted some into undressing during video chats, was sentenced in March at the Santa Ana courthouse to
18 months in federal prison. The defense attorney said his client had serious difficulties making friends.

The Thieves Who Didn’t Leave Tracks
The Orange County Model Engineers reported in March that thieves broke into the organization’s storage facility in Costa Mesa’s Fairview Park and made off with 2,000 feet of aluminum tracks and other material worth about $8,000. Police Lt. Greg Scott said
the tracks likely would be sold as scrap.

Look For a Guy Gritting His Teeth Amid the Wreckage of His Broken Dreams
No one has yet stepped forward to claim the estimated 4,000 marijuana plants found growing in Laguna Coast Wilderness Park’s Muddy Canyon area
in August—even though the cops estimated the value of the uprooted and confiscated pot at $3 million.

Not That Lame ‘Late Night Water Aerobics’ Alibi Again
A San Clemente man suspected of “car fishing”—stealing from unlocked cars—fled a 4 a.m. police search in August by jumping a wall into the Cyprus Cove community and trying to hide beneath a concrete bridge in a resident’s swimming pool. When they fished him out of the water, he told police he was just out for a walk.

Blow by Blow With ‘Mayhem’ Miller
Warrants were issued earlier this year for mixed martial arts fighter Jason “Mayhem” Miller in connection with domestic violence, stalking, and a court order violation. He pleaded not guilty to resisting arrest in October—after he barricaded himself in his Mission Viejo home and live-tweeted his standoff with sheriff’s deputies.

They’re Registered at San Quentin
A 44-year-old caretaker was sentenced in May to more than seven years in state prison for stealing $280,000 from a blind and deaf 98-year-old Newport Beach widow suffering from dementia. Among the things prosecutors say he bought with her money: two used cars, a classic record collection, a sex swing, and a Tiffany & Co. engagement ring for his girlfriend.

How Not to Impress a Lady, Part II
A jury convicted a 23-year-old Irvine man in October of killing his father so he could meet up with his Internet girlfriend in Ohio. Prosecutors say the former Corona del Mar High School student dragged his 60-year-old father’s body into an office and locked the door before taking off for Toledo with his car, cash, and credit cards. The son was arrested the next day in Colorado.

Surprisingly, He Wasn’t That Tough to Find
A man broke into a Santa Ana home in August, stripped off his clothes, and fell asleep at the foot of the resident’s bed. When the resident awoke, her scream roused the man who police say “jumped out a window,” leaving behind his wallet, pants, and cellphone.

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